when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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