this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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