So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
