If i come over, it means nothing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was like eating out sand paper
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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