Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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