Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
