Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
