you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
