There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
