Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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