dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
