clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
