I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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