dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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