I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
