Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
