shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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