I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
