i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
