So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
