nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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