Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
