Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
