The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
