I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
pray to the hookup gods
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize