I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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