Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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