everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
