i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
