Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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