his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
