I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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