i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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