Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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