she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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