I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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