Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
