So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
