Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
