Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize