I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
