weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
