Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
