Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
