evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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