Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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