Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
