Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
