Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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