Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize