she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mom said you looked used
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
