I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
