This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
