is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
