I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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