at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
