I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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