In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
