this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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