youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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