Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
